Calamity and Chaos–and COVID-19

With the pandemic,  volatile world markets, war raging in so many parts of the world and unspeakable things happening in so many places near and far it seems that the world as we knew it is coming apart. Calamity and chaos reign.

For all of us, the uncertainty, struggle and suffering is intolerable, and the thought of all this suffering having an instructive or redemptive purpose seems ridiculous. Yet, the long view of history shows us that great things often emerge from such muck. Think about the Dark Ages. Then think Renaissance. After years of pestilence, death and the suppression of the human spirit a resurgence of human enlightenment overtook the world in such a way that we enjoy it even today.

The U.S.A’s dominant salvation narrative,  the birth of the Christ Child- teaches a similar lesson. In the short view, Jesus’ birth was not much more than a calamity. An illegitimate child was born to a poor teenage mother and her aging husband-to-be, and had the misfortune to alienate the ruling monarch by virtue of the alignment of the stars at his birth, thereby making his family refugees almost as soon as he was born and causing a bloodbath of male babies in his homeland as the king hunted him down.

Simply put, Jesus did not have much of a chance within the existing order of the world when he was born. The existing order was simply too much for that influx of love. History proves the unlikely outcome.

Early in the lockdown in March of 2020, I noticed jets were missing from the early morning airspace in my yard. Traffic was very quiet. The sounds of birds filled that space. Despite the terrible news of neighbors’ death; the crabtree bloomed more heartily than ever.

Perhaps there are times when only calamity and chaos create sufficient room to hold the larger doses of hope and love necessary for the continuing evolution of our creation. I am a witness to the fact that in our own individual lives, there is every hope and possibility that some unimaginable transformation can emerge from destruction and chaos. This is the bittersweet nature of hope.

Talking about sex

I’m 25, we’ve just been married a year, and I’m happy… but seriously disappointed by our sex life. It’s over too fast for me to climax. How do I tell my husband about this? I don’t want to break his heart or his pride.

Ok, this is difficult, but everyone has to learn to do it. By “it” I mean talking about sex, not just doing it. It’s best to choose a relaxed, semi-quiet time, when having sex is not on the agenda. I think it’s great to ask for permission to bring up a delicate topic and create a playful, non-anxious attitude in your own heart at the same time.

It takes a long time, sometimes a lifetime, to get full “ownership” of our sexuality. And 25 is still young for that level of maturity. Continue reading “Talking about sex”

Resources:

Links:

Depression: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

Anxiety: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml

Grief: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

Family Problems: http://www.aamft.org/families/index_nm.asp

Marriage Resources: http://www.smartmarriages.com/index.html

Healthy Marriage Rituals: http://www.smartmarriages.com/intentionalmarriage.html

Web References for Elizabeth Ritzman:

Marriage Friendly Therapists.com:

http://marriagefriendlytherapists.com/searchprofile.php?t_id=56&range=50

Recommended Books:

Thomas, Frank A.
Spiritual Maturity: Preserving Congregational Health and Balance

Schnarch, David
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Passion Alive in Committed Relationships

Schnarch, David
Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing your Relationship

Neafsey, John
A Sacred Voice is Calling: Personal Vocation and Social Conscience

Markman, Howard J.; Stanley, Scott M.; Jenkins, Natalie H.; Blumberg, Susan L.; Whitely, Carol
12 Hours to a Great Marriage: A Step to Step Guide for Making Love Last

Bria, Gina
The Art of Family: Rituals, Imagination, and Everyday Spirituality

Sears, William
The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (Revised and Updated Edition)

Gunderson, Gary
Deeply Woven Roots: Improving the Quality of Life in Your Community

Evans, Abigail
The Healing Church: Practical Programs for Health Ministries

Daniel, W.; Koenig, Harold
Healing Bodies and Souls: A Practical Guide for Congregations

Volf, Miroslav
Exclusion and Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness, and Reconciliation

Kidder, Tracy
Mountains Beyond Mountains : The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man Who Would Cure the World

Jones, Kirk Byron
Rest in the Storm: Self-Care Strategies for Clergy and Other Caregivers

Paulsell, Stephanie
Honoring the Body: Meditations on a Christian Practice

Bass, Dorothy
Practicing Our Faith : A Way of Life for a Searching People

Bass, Dorothy; Wright, Lani; Richter, Don
Receiving the Day : Christian Practices for Opening the Gift of Time

Amos, William E.
When AIDS Comes to Church

Friedman, Edwin H.
From Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue

Black, Claudia
Depression Strategies: Practical Tools for Professionals Treating Depression

Black Claudia
It Will Never Happen to Me: Growing up with Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents and Adults